the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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