so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
