I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
