I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
