i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
