why didn't you poke me back
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize