SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
