he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
where are my eyebrows?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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