i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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