Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize