Midget sex pt 2 tonight
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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