seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize