how can u be prego again
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
