I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
