remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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