BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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