Need sex. Gaining weight.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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