spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize