I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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