id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Randomize