I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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