the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
