I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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