how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
