Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
