yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
