rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
