Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
