I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
