I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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