I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize