3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
