We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
