so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
