Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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