Define "chronic" masturbator.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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