I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I want a musical about memes.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
