I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Umm I'm too high to move.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
