So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
