My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
