Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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