I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
