Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
