You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
