So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
