I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
