Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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