standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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