Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
