I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
