I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
