everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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