as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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