Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
