did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
