There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
