Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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