and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
