I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
