Having a random hookup so left but love u
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
