gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The Olympian is in my bed
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
