evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
