The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
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