Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
