that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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