i barfeds in our rink
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
